Confusion can be the overriding state of mind that emerges when conviction that the war is wrong clashes with a sense of concern for -- or pride in -- a spouse, parent, child or sibling serving in the armed forces.

The dilemma is sometimes a lonely one, as it draws no comfort from the pro-war sentiments of many "support the troops" groups and sits uncomfortably with the pacifist leanings of the mainstream anti-war lobby.

For Melissa Halvorson, a graduate student at the State University of New York, the recent departure of her Marine reservist husband for Kuwait loosed a series of conflicting emotions that have been tough to resolve.

"I keep thinking if I had belief in a just political cause for the war, this would be a lot easier, but there really isn't any place to turn," said Halvorson.

"It's a little bit lonely. It would be easier to be waving a flag," she added.

Since the fighting in Iraq actually began, military families voicing opposition to the war have faced the added burden of being branded unpatriotic or unsupportive of the troops.

Such labels are fiercely rejected by Charley Richardson and his wife Nancy Lessin, who co-founded the group "Military Families Speak Out" to give a voice to those who want the war stopped.

Richardson, whose 25-year-old son is in the Marine Corps, said many families felt conflicted because of the idea that the only way to support the troops was to support the war.

"We disagree with that totally," Richardson said.

"We feel the most supportive thing we can do -- indeed the most patriotic thing in terms of doing the best thing for your country -- is to stop this war and the policies that led to it."

Richardson refuses to discuss his son's reaction to his anti-war activism, saying he can speak only for himself and his wife, and he acknowledges concern that his son might have felt embarrassed or even angry.

"The way we address that is we keep in touch with him, and make sure he understands that in opposing the war, we are not opposing him," he said, adding that the start of the war had strengthened rather than weakened his resolve.

"If you saw your kid getting into a car with a drunk driver, would you stand by the side of the road and salute? Or would you do everything in your power to stop the car?" he said.

Richardson says he and his wife have received some "pretty nasty" hate mail from other military families suggesting they "move to Iraq," or even to France which opposed the use of military force against the Baghdad regime.

University of North Carolina student Jason Needam, whose father is in the army, rejected Richardson's argument that it was possible to protest against the war and still be supportive of the military personnel in the Gulf.

"It disgusts me how anyone can say that they are showing support for the troops when they are having these protests," Needam said. "It makes me wonder if anyone realizes what this does to morale when they see this kind of thing on the news."

Pamela Bates, whose husband Daniel is serving in the 110th Field Artillery, set up a "Hugs To Kuwait" website in January to counter what she saw as an insidious attempt to undermine support for the soldiers deployed to the Middle East.

"Im absolutely proud that my husband would, even in the face of people protesting and speaking out against the military, still ask no questions when it was time to go," Bates said.

"He packed up and said goodbye," she added.

Other military family members, however, agree with Richardson that opposing the war does not mean opposing the people fighting the war.

Janet Rutger said both she and her army officer husband were against the conflict in Iraq, but stressed that neither of them was anti-military.

"I have talked to a number of soldiers my husband works with and people here in our military community. The majority of them see this difference and question the war themselves," Rutger said.

"But they also understand that this is their job and will do what they have to do."

SPACE.WIRE